Memories, Old and New
by LiulfrKeahi
Summary: Slight AU starting end of season 2 episode 12. "Old memories forgotten, but new memories to be made." [NOZOERI] [BECAUSE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH FANFICS ON THEM]
1. Chapter 1, to be forgotten

A/N: Based off of this: avielelloy ~.~ tumblr ~.~ com~*/post/91062667579/nozomi-im-sorry-i-couldnt-remember-anything

* * *

Everything was supposed to be like a dream come true. They gave their best at their last live concert – the final stage of Love Live. Their family, friends, and fans had supported them like no other. They were to celebrate their success, go home, and rest. Go back to their school days like normal school girls, and finally graduate.

But fate decided to have a slight twist of its own. Maybe it was to be expected at such a crowded area. Maybe the staff was in a rush. Maybe they lingered in the area for too long. Maybe it wasn't really anyone's fault, just a sheer unfortunate coincidence.

And yet…

All Eri could do was blame herself as she cried at the side of the hospital bed where her best friend laid, unconscious.

* * *

"We were just really careless."

"It could have been any of us."

"It's not your fault."

It's not your fault, her friends repeated. But it was. She was the only one who saw. She was the only one who noticed. She was the only one who saw everything happen. Or rather, it was only the two of them who noticed. A careless security. A loosened screw. An ominous creak. That was all it took for her friend to know what was imminent. But it took more for herself. A gasp from her. A frightened look that piqued her curiosity. And… a rush and a push.

Then came down the lights, blinding everyone. A thundering crash echoed in the stadium, deafening those near. And during those milliseconds, the seconds that felt like hours, Eri saw. Eri saw that small smile… that typical assuring smile of hers. Despite what was coming forth, despite what she knew was to happen in mere seconds, her violet haired friend smiled and whispered. Her heart was pounding too loud in her ears to hear but she knew by instinct. It was only natural what she would say.

"Thank god (よかった)."

* * *

The ex-student council president came by to her friend's side every day, after school. With the Love Live competition out of the way, there were no practices so her schedule was naturally free. Partially it was out of guilt. But it was also out of hope. She came everyday, hoping that a miracle would happen. She hoped and wished even more that on one of her visits, her ex-vice student council president would wake up with that all-knowing smile. She'll tell Eri that it was just a brief moment like a dream. A really bad dream that she'll say it will not be repeated. Except days, and weeks passed, but the dream was getting harder to bear. It was turning to a nightmare that Eri wished to be woken out of.

She squeezed her friend's hand, willing to wake up. She needed her friend to tell her she was worrying too much and that everything will be fine. She needed her to tease how much of a fool she looked like crying this way. She needed her.

* * *

The girls visited, but only Eri still came to her side every day. She still appreciated their company when they did, of course. Much more than the whispering nurses of this hospital. Every day, she heard the nurses whispering as they walked by the room.

"That poor girl."

"She's done everything."

"It's heartbreaking, really."

Eri would get angry with them if she could, if it weren't rude to do such. But she stayed still at her place, letting Nico – the one other visitor of the day – help her tend the bed.

"You know she'd have a fit if she knew how much blame you were putting on yourself."

Eri couldn't muster up a comment. She just looked the other way, though she knew Nico wasn't even looking at her. But she had to. It was embarrassing enough to let her sniffles be heard. It was embarrassing enough that she knew Nico was right.

* * *

Graduation was just a little more than a week away, but they had yet to leave the room. As Eri washed up her friend's face with a wet cloth, she wondered. Had she really done everything? Perhaps… but that was not a reason for her to give up. Not after what this very girl she was tending to had gone through before. She stuck by Eri's side all these years, no matter how stubborn and closed up Eri was. Eri owed it to her. She sighed as she put the cloth away. It was getting late and she was expected for dinner soon. Quietly, she packed up her things. But when she was ready to go, she gave one more glance at her. Millions of thoughts passed in Eri's head.

'Dinner can wait,' she thought.

She took a hold of one of her hands and started to sing. As Eri closed her eyes to reminisce all the memories they had made as she sung, she didn't notice a pair of emerald eyes opening.

* * *

Of course, everyone came running to the hospital as soon as they heard the news. But their joy was brief. The goddess who had created μ's, the goddess who had held Eri's heart did not engage in their happiness. Rather, she distanced herself.

"Nozomi?"

She called softly with fear unknowingly clutching her heart. Her fear grew when her only answer was a lost, and guarded look that Eri recognized seeing on the very day they had first met.

* * *

It was memory loss the doctor informed them. Her name, her family, her school… Nozomi remembered them all. All but the eight friends she had held dear to her heart. All but Eri.

Eri couldn't tell if this pain she felt in her heart stung more than what she felt when she saw Nozomi's battered body under the heavy lights weeks ago.

They both hurt.

* * *

Five days before graduation, Nozomi was finally fine to leave and attend school. Granted, she still had bandages plastered over her face, and unseen medical tapes wrapped all over her torso. But Eri was there. Eri told her of what had happened and who she was. Eri helped her when fan girls of Nozomi abruptly approached them and wished for Nozomi's wellbeing, all the while the said celebrity could not even grasp the very idea why she had fans.

* * *

They visited the club room, the school rooftop, and the student council room. Eri took her everywhere where they had memories together. Not just as part of their school idol group, but as the pair they were.

* * *

They visited the chairwoman, the mother of one of their members – Kotori Minami. In time for graduation, they talked and reminisced the many times Eri and Nozomi had frequently visited her office as student council president and vice president. Nozomi was polite and engaged in the conversation. But Eri was on edge. Nozomi's smiles never reached her eyes.

* * *

Two days and two bandage patches left. A visit to Akiba with the girls and a date at the parfait café occurred.

* * *

Though they already stopped by this room earlier that week, Eri only found it fit to look at their performance videos in the student council room. The room that served as the solitary space they needed.

"Is that really me singing and dancing?"

Nozomi asked incredulously, still finding it hard to believe the girl she was. 'She still is,' Eri corrected herself all the while she was adjusting to Nozomi talking in the standard Tokyo dialect. She absentmindedly wondered when and why Nozomi talked in the Kansai dialect. Nonetheless, Eri told her friend how much amazing she was with an affectionate face. She complimented her singing, her dancing, and much to Eri's own surprise, even her teasing.

"You were particularly skilled at groping the girls' breasts."

Eri giggled when Nozomi blushed. It was nice to have the tables turned for once.

"Did I… did I ever do it to you?"

Eri was caught off guard. And now Nozomi giggled slightly as she blushed. How did this girl take the ball back into her court so easily? It must be her nature to tease, Eri noted. But now that she thought about it…

"No, you never did."

When Eri looked up as she answered, she momentarily forgot how to breathe. Nozomi was looking at her so intensely. It was a look that she knew. It was the same face Nozomi had whenever she fell deep in thought amidst a conversation with Eri. A look of longing, a look of something more… Then Nozomi blinked. The twinkle in her eyes disappeared.

"I wonder why."

She commented quietly as she turned to look out the window of the council room. While Eri looked at the all too familiar back of Nozomi, she swore something had happened there.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry… that I couldn't remember, Ayase-san."

Formality. Aside from the guarded look and Tokyo dialect, the formality was a clear sign that Nozomi couldn't remember the times they spent together. The memories they shared.

Eri wasn't sure what she felt first: the sting in her eyes, or the sting in her heart. But she forced herself a smile, making it seem as reassuring as she could.

"Don't worry about it."

She swallowed a lump in her dry throat.

"Toujou-san."


	2. Chapter 2, to be remembered

A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated! You have no idea how much that means to a writer...

* * *

The two seniors walked quietly on the way back home. They shared small talk, but nothing more. To be frank, Eri was scared. It was almost a week since she stuck to Nozomi outside of the hospital, but she still couldn't get herself used to this detatched person. The Nozomi she knew was more attached, not the clingy type per se, but affectionate. It was that constant advancements that pushed Eri to open. While it was Nozomi's very own tactics, Eri wasn't sure if she would be able to bring out the same effect. With graduation coming tomorrow, pushing Nozomi away was the last thing Eri wanted to happen.

"This is where we always part, right?"

Absorbed in her own thoughts, Eri almost missed what her friend had said. She quickly stammered a 'yes.' But she reached out and grabbed her friend's hand before she realized what she was doing herself. She immediately let go, flustered. Nozomi was also flustered, or so Eri thought. Her friend was blushing, but unlike the Nozomi she knew, this girl merely looked questioningly at Eri.

"Do you mind if I walk you home?"

Eri squeaked out. She adverted her eyes away. Anywhere. Anywhere but the emerald eyes in front of her. To say rejection scared her was an understatement. It terrified her. What if this was too much? What if this pushed Nozomi away from her? What if…

"I would appreciate that. Thank you."

All of her 'what-if's were thrown to the wind by Nozomi's answer. Eri happily continued her walk with her friend. The atmosphere between them seemingly lightened than earlier. But just as Eri's hopes started to rise, they had to part because they had reached Nozomi's home. Anymore would have been unwelcome. 'For now at the least,' Eri reasoned herself to not be let down. But her own ministrations seemed futile when her heart sunk at Nozomi's goodbye.

"Goodbye, Ayase-san."

It almost seemed as if it really were goodbye to the old Nozomi.

* * *

Eri shivered. The weather wasn't cold, no. But she was nervous. Here she was standing in front of Nozomi's apartment door. She gulped the lump down her throat. Perhaps it was the feeling of inevitable finality graduation would bring, but Eri felt she had to… she needed to be by Nozomi's side since the beginning of the day. But to walk together to school was still something new for her. The one time this had happened was on that particular snowy day when Nozomi had came to her apartment unannounced.

"Ayase-san?"

Eri was caught short on reminiscing and was brought back to the present. She took a moment to look at Nozomi. She was beautiful.

"Um, hi… Toujou-san."

Being caught off-guard and flustered by how amazing Nozomi looked, Eri stammered. Embarrassed, she recomposed herself and steadily asked if they could walk together to school. It would be a first, but a last as well. Nozomi had a stunned look, one that Eri recognized. In moments like this, Eri hung onto a glimpse of hope that maybe, just maybe, the Nozomi she knew would emerge from the shadows. But this was their story. A reality. Not some ridiculous romantic comedy.

Disappointment settled in the blonde's stomach when Nozomi thanked her with one of those smiles: smiling, appreciating, but not genuine. Not to say her friend with no memories was not genuine, but her emotions were still greatly guarded. Her emerald eyes glimmered, but no emotions within.

Eri felt a strong sense of irony and wondered if Nozomi had gone through this with her when they were younger.

* * *

Small talk and thoughts on graduation... That was what they mainly conversed during their walk. Eri tried to steer away any small talk on the future. Thinking merely of what would happen in the next hour with her violet-haired friend was terrifying enough. Eri couldn't bring herself what would possibly happen between her and Nozomi.

Instead, Eri was content with the short dialogues as she used the quietness to really look at Nozomi. Earlier she noticed Nozomi had strayed away from her usual pigtails and to a French fishtail braid, and one so intricately done. Eri wondered absentmindedly if this were something to stay. This Nozomi was different in a few ways, more significant than just a hairstyle. Who was to stay that wouldn't change as well? Eri wouldn't mind this difference, though to be honest. While the twin-tails were adorable, this shed her friend in a much more graceful way. Less like a girl, and more like a woman. And this very woman just caught her ogling. Before Nozomi could say anything, Eri stammered an apology and pointedly looked the other way.

Her blush was still visible to her companion, though.

* * *

"What was the song you sang in the snow?"

Eri paused briefly while putting her shoes in the shoe cabinet. After the awkward walk, Eri wasn't expecting Nozomi to start a topic so suddenly. But then again, she always had a way with surprises.

"You mean the one we sang for semifinals?"

Nozomi seemed to think over something before she nodded briefly. Eri couldn't stop a fond smile come upon her face. She knew exactly which song Nozomi was referring to: the love song that she and Nozomi had proposed to write. Or rather, the song that she wanted to push for Nozomi. Despite the slightly rowdy atmosphere, Eri spoke to Nozomi in a gentle voice.

"That song was your idea. Or well, what I pushed for to be your idea."

Eri mentally noted that Nozomi blushing with a confused look was the utmost adorable thing she had ever seen. She ushered her friend into the building, more than happy to talk more in details of how the song came to be.

* * *

"I know we have perhaps, more successful songs that better fit our personalities, but I think that's my favorite one."

Eri's smile grew wider at the thought of that night when they all finally decided to actually write that song. Nozomi was a slight embarrassed for showing her more… affectionate side to the group. She and Nozomi was always a mystery to the μ's, if she did say so herself. That night had revealed more of Nozomi. And now that she thought about it, she was so… happy, proud… of Nozomi. Nozomi had always given her a push, and then she pushed Nozomi to be a bit more honest. And to see her genuinely happy and opened up, something so warm had burst in her heart.

Unconsciously, her hand came up where her heart was. It was probably around then that Eri started to notice the feelings she had developed for her best friend. She had partially guessed, or more or less hoped Nozomi felt the same. But neither had ever really brought the topic up. Her face fell when she thought of the situation now. If… Eri took a deep breath. If Nozomi never retrieved her old memories, would they ever reach that same point of friendship or relationship in general? Eri knew that she would try to, of course, but how effective would that be? When she glanced slightly at her friend, she noticed she was quiet for a bit too long.

"Ah, sorry. Did you want to ask something about the song?"

"Well… It had a familiar tune."

Eri's heart skipped a beat.

"You were singing this to me when I woke up in the hospital."

"Oh…"

Eri was disappointed that Nozomi hadn't remembered anything from before. But she tried her best not to make Nozomi feel so bad. Her friend still noticed it. Eri was sure she did; it was Nozomi, after all. But for whatever reason, she didn't push the topic. And rather, she asked for a small request. Eri blushed. It was the first time Nozomi had asked for anything.

"I would like to listen to the song together before the ceremony starts. If you don't mind, that is."

All this time, Nozomi had merely gone with whatever Eri and the girls wanted to do for her and never really requested of anything. It was a small request, but a real request nonetheless. And that made Eri happy.

She quietly nodded and handed one side of her earphones. As they relaxed on the bench in the student council room, Eri asked something as well.

"Would you… like me to sing alongside as well?"

That shy but firm "yes" was all Eri needed to know that the Nozomi she knew was still there. Just guarded by walls she was still learning to break down. As the music came close to the first verse, Eri closed her eyes and started to sing, thinking of Nozomi. She sung for Nozomi; she sung of Nozomi. Eri merely hoped this could reach the heart of her friend's.

And when her hand was given a slight squeeze, Eri thought, maybe this time, it did.


	3. Chapter 3, to be loved

A/N: Last chapter turned out to be longer than the other two. Oops.

* * *

The ceremony was a success. The girls had really put in a lot of thought. Honoka had even done her speech flawlessly. She was proud of her successor and all of the girls, really. Why else would she be in the bathroom, drying up her tears, with Nico who was still denying her tears by her side?

"Hey, where's Nozomi?"

Nico's sudden question startled Eri, but only briefly, because her mind was on the same matter. She had texted Nozomi to meet up with her in front of the girls' bathroom but she had yet to receive a reply. Not that she would, Eri worried if Nozomi would suddenly disappear. Though the violet-haired girl had tried to relive her old self, it wasn't like she remembered anything. She had no emotional attachment to any of this: the school, their classmates, the μ's… herself included.

"Did she remember anything? In the past few days?"

"No, not really. She did try to remember Snow Halation, I think. But…"

"What? How and when did that happen?"

"Just this morning," Eri started to explain. She told Nico how she had sung that song the day when Nozomi had woken up from her coma. She told Nico how Nozomi remembered of the song and wished to hear it. She told Nico how close Nozomi seemed to connect, to remember her memories.

Eri's phone rang with a text, surprising the two seniors. Nozomi texted she was outside of the bathroom. The ex student council president let out a sigh of relief. She was still here. As she was too engulfed in replying back, asking Nozomi to wait for a minute, she didn't notice friend was also texting someone at the same time. And with a rather thoughtful look at that.

"Hey. It's not the end of the world, you know?"

Nico said as she patted Eri's back.

* * *

When the two left the bathroom they found their friend standing by in the hallway awkwardly. She seemed distant. Not particularly the way she had been all week, but more with a musing look. Eri noticed Nozomi's gaze followed any group of girls together. Eri guessed what must have been on the girl's mind.

"Hey."

Nozomi jumped slightly. The girl was visibly startled but she reeled herself in soon. Eri wondered how long the girl had really been waiting. Nonetheless, she decided to let it go for now.

"Sorry I started you, Toujou-san."

"It's nothing, really."

"Oh… okay. Um, are you ready to go?"

"Whenever you are, Ayase-san."

"Are you kidding me?"

Nico burst. She had a very disapproving look, the one that meant no nonsense. The other two seniors didn't know how to react. Nozomi was well, confused, of course. Eri was more wary than confused. Nico had been surprising her this entire week with her support and her surprisingly insightful advice. But this girl had a knack for being blunt at times, and Eri wasn't sure if that was something she wanted to Nozomi. Nico let out an exasperated sigh.

"Seriously. What is with all of this formality? I know you don't remember your time with us, but that doesn't mean you have to be formal with us. And what's wrong with you for going along with that, Eri?"

"Nico…"

Eri started to chastise, but she didn't get to finish.

"I'm sorry. That's really my fault. I didn't think I had the right to be familiar. Not when I'm not who I was…"

Nozomi trailed off. She bowed her head slightly as if she were child being scolded. And Eri wanted to do nothing but stop her and pull her into a hug. Telling her that that was not true. But Nico was a step faster than her.

"Stop saying that you don't deserve it! You may not remember it… You may not even ever remember it… but we do. And we remember the Nozomi we became friends with. And we all cherish it. And that should be enough."

Listening to Nico's words, Eri immediately relaxed. What she had been worrying all this time, Nico had a simple solution. The Nozomi they knew, the Nozomi that she loved, was still in her memories and in her heart. And that should be enough. That was enough.

"True… It might take some time for you to remember, maybe a lot. Maybe forever. And it might be the same for us to get as close as then, but… We know it happened once. We know it can happen again. It may not be the same memories… they'll be new ones…"

Eri said, as she got closer to her friends. She reached out for Nozomi's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"But, that doesn't mean they won't be as good as the old ones, right?"

Just like the day she revealed her past to Maki, Nozomi's face was full of emotions. Eri pulled the three of them together for a hug for she knew what was imminent. To her surprise however, Nico slipped out between them and pushed the remaining two together. Her friend didn't say anything; her knowing look – albeit teary – said it all. Eri just gave a grateful smile and tightly hugged Nozomi who broke down and cried for the first time that day.

* * *

Once Nozomi calmed down and her tears had dried, Nico led them up to the school rooftop, where they had numerous practices and countless memories. Nico offhandedly commented the girls had prepared something. And what they saw was the setting for more new memories. There were food, drinks, and even a small photo booth with props. But nothing surprised Eri more than the small stage prepared in the center.

The underclassmen immediately ran to the stage. Like all of their performances, everyone took turns to be at the center of the moment and spoke of what the seniors meant to them. Then the seniors were promptly asked to sit down and enjoy the younger ones' performance. Eri could feel the tears threatening to come out again; she felt pleasantly overwhelmed of what the girls had prepared thus far. But nothing made her happier than the fact that Nozomi seemed to feel the same. By every comment, every song, Nozomi had inched closer to Eri.

The blonde almost missed the close contact had she not have felt the slight tug on her blazer by her friend. It was endearing.

* * *

"And for the last performance, we want Eri and Nozomi to come up stage!"

"Eh?"

Eri was not expecting that, but Nico didn't leave her any room for argument. With the help of the six other girls, Nico had pushed Eri and Nozomi up on stage.

"Nico said it would be a great idea if you two sung together!"

"And we agreed, nya!"

Being the helplessly confused one, Nozomi looked at Eri for some sort of guidance. But Eri was just as clueless as what to do. Did the girls realize what they were asking of her? Of Nozomi? How was Nozomi supposed to perform when the memories of all the practices she had gone through were not present?

"It'll be fine! Just believe, remember?"

Their young leader said with a smile as she pressed play for the music of the song prepared for the duo. Eri's eyes widened when she heard the melody. Then she smiled out of defeat. Nico could be sly when she wanted to, Eri noted. The said girl merely smirked at the blonde.

Eri felt the small tug on her sleeve again. When Eri turned around, she had never seen Nozomi so small as now. Eri had told herself to refrain and to take baby steps, but all of that went down the drain as she hugged her friend.

"It'll be alright. You've done this before. We've done this before."

Eri stressed on the word 'we' as she whispered assuring words to Nozomi. Before she could stop herself, Eri kissed Nozomi's forehead. When she snapped her head up to meet Eri's eyes, Eri could do nothing but smile. She reached to hold Nozomi's hand in her own.

"I got you."

Eri started singing the first verse of 'Snow Halation. ' Her highest hope at this moment was for Nozomi to join her, but even if she didn't, that was fine by her. Even if Nozomi couldn't remember all the memories they had made, all the times that Eri fell in love with her, this song would be the new start to all of that. She fell in love with Nozomi once, and she still did.

Eri entered the first transition of the song. Even if the girls had prepared this to be a stage for both her and Nozomi to sing, Eri was content if she ended up singing alone. This would be a stage of herself serenading to her best friend. That was fine by her.

Except, Nozomi was Nozomi. She harmonized to Eri by the chorus.

Although surprised, Eri didn't faze and kept singing. But she showed her appreciation by squeezing Nozomi's hand. When the song entered the melodic transition for the bridge, she brought the hand up to her lips and gave a kiss.

"I love you, Nozomi."

Eri whispered.

Before Nozomi could answer or react at all for that matter, it was time to sing again. And this time everyone in μ's joined in. They surrounded around the pair like a huddle and harmonized their voices as the nine had done so before.

Unlike their previous performance however, Eri pulled Nozomi even closer. She took a moment to look at the beauty she fell in love with before she finally pulled her even closer for a kiss.

* * *

The music faded. The girls fell quiet. The only sounds heard on the school rooftop were the breathing of the duo as they broke a surprisingly chaste kiss. Well, Eri noticed poor Umi getting flustered somewhere in the back of her head. But that was of less importance to her right now. With boldness she hadn't known she possessed before, Eri brought one of Nozomi's hand up on her cheek. With her eyes closed, Eri leaned into the said hand. She breathed in and out. Once. Twice.

"Nozomi. "

Eri said with utmost determination.

"I know I might be still 'Ayase-san' to you, but you're still Nozomi to me… my best friend Nozomi that I fell in love with. And I'll always be with you to make up the memories we've lost and to have you well… fall in love with me, too."

Eri finished her once bold speech with a blush. The majority of their friends giggled. Nico patted her back for trying hard to be tough. Normally, Eri would have pouted a bit and would have told everyone to stop teasing. But all of her attention was on her friend in front of her, the friend who held onto her shoulders so tight. Her head was lowered, almost leaning entirely in Eri's embrace. Trembling. A sniffle or two was heard. Eri panicked, of course. She had expected it to be a bit of a shock, but she hadn't expected to make her cry. All the girls actually started to panic a bit when they believed Nozomi was crying. They weren't entirely sure what to do when Nozomi was the only one crying.

"Eri."

But it only took that one word. That one whisper was enough to quiet down the school idols. It was only then they heard the slight giggles alongside the tears. Or in Eri's case, she saw the briefest of smiles on Nozomi's face. Hope once again started to bloom in Eri's heart. She started on the first two syllables of her best friend's name. But the said girl beat her to it.

"Erichi."

This time Nozomi held her head high for Eri to see. For everyone to see. This was the Nozomi they remembered and knew: the girl who always had an all-knowing smile that was in full bloom, a mischievous twinkle in her emerald eyes, and a voice tinted with love.

"I remember."

Tears streamed down her beautiful face, and all Eri wanted to do was to kiss them away. And so she did. Little she noticed her face was wet with her own tears. It wasn't until she heard Nico's strangled shout – clearly from crying as well – of "stop crying, idiots" did she notice what a ridiculous pair they were.

More hugs and kisses occurred. And once the joyful crying had died down, the gleeful congratulations and teases were given to the new couple.

* * *

When all was said and done, everyone finally parted their ways, indicating a true goodbye. Eri walked the same path she took this morning with Nozomi to her apartment. It was the same path, but with such different sentiments.

To make up for the lost time and heartaches they had gone through, Eri decided to stay over at Nozomi's for the night. Maybe she shall stay over for more nights. Maybe. But for now, nothing felt more right when she cuddled with Nozomi on her bed.

"Welcome back (おかえり)."

"I'm home (ただいま)."

And it truly felt like home for both Eri and Nozomi. Remembered and loved.


End file.
